longing to return to the country I'm ashamed of

this post is made possible by alix's computer
Benni, this is what I was writing on my wrist, that day at Sandø.

When people ask me where I'm from, I always say Texas.
I say it proudly and without hesitation.

The next handful of sentences, though, often involve me convincing the other person that I am a reasonable and intelligent person, unlike what they might think of Texans.

A typical scenario looks like this:

• Where are you from?
• Texas.
• Really?
• Yes.
• ...Isn't George Bush from Texas?
• Yes ...but both his parents are from the northeast, and he went to boarding school and college in the northeast, so he's not completely from Texas. It's mostly an image he likes to promote.
  
• Oh, I see.

At this point, I feel the other person silently decide not to ignore everything I have to say, which is always a nice feeling.

Often, though, getting beyond the stereotype involves more than simply an acknowledgment of the facts - With many people, I need to reaffirm their disapproval of the States, as if I was saying something like this:

No you're not wrong to shame my country.
Yes, I feel ashamed of it.
No I don't always fit in there.
Yes, it is my home.

And, through this simple declaration of shame, I become a real person in their eyes... It's fine, but I'm getting tired of it.

I'm ready to go back, so that I can start doing something about it.

To begin: Specific things I'm ashamed of include (but are not limited to)

• mainstream media,
• the criminal justice system (particularly the prisons), and especially
• the relationship between business and state

I'm ashamed of the wars as well, which (I think) are symptoms of larger problems that run deep into the hearts of many, many Americans.

So to those who disagree, lets talk. Please, lets talk.

It's long past time for me to speak, and I have spent enough time in wealthy, educated places where people already agree with me.

I'm ready to go back and talk about this. I'm ready to go home.